Self-Reflection Is the First Step to Growth
Self-Reflection Is the First Step to Growth
Self-Reflection Is the First Step to Growth
Among all the complaints I’ve heard, the most common line is: “That’s just the kind of person I am,” and therefore “this or that happened afterward.” Every argument can be made to sound flawless, and every storyteller stands firmly on the side of truth, full of conviction. But why does it end up this way? Setting aside differences in perspective, I’ve gradually realized that the most important part—and the one most often overlooked—lies precisely in that casually glossed-over premise.
Even Emperor Yongzheng could say, “I am just this kind of man.” Naturally, then, all the problems must be the fault of you ministers. Since I am this kind of man, with this kind of temperament, if you understand that, then you should follow my wishes. If you don’t understand that, then you simply do not understand me. And if you do not understand me, what is left for me to say to you? This logic is not so different from the reasoning behind many people’s complaints.
And yet, hardly anyone seems to ask: “Why must I be this kind of person in the first place?” Of course, I believe there are many people who do ask themselves this question. But those who do rarely go around seeking others to validate their grievances. Because once a person starts asking questions like this, certain conclusions naturally follow. For example: Why must I be such a blunt person? If I know my words will hurt others, can’t I phrase them differently? Why must I be such a soft-hearted person? If I know he will repeat the same mistakes, why give him another chance? Why must I be such a stubborn person? If I know there will be no result, why keep entangling myself in it? Why must I be the kind of person who gets lost every time I go out? If I know I might take the wrong way, why not ask for directions more often?
Once self-reflection begins, it often becomes possible to back out of a dead end and step onto a broader road. Unfortunately, more people place themselves on the unquestionable high ground from the very beginning, assign every fault to others, and gradually lose that precious capacity for self-examination.
Self-reflection is not cowardice. It is the first step in a person’s growth and self-improvement. No one is born perfect. Human nature is more like the wild flowers and grass described by Bacon: it requires continual cultivation and refinement. The ability to reflect means maintaining, deep within oneself at all times, an effort to observe oneself objectively—to see one’s own shortcomings and flaws. Only by recognizing those shortcomings can one’s character find direction for growth and development. If “I,” like the emperor, feel perfect every single day, the result can only be stagnation.
Another precious meaning of self-reflection is that only when we begin to examine ourselves can we discover, at a deeper level, our own potential and possibilities. Labeling ourselves with statements like “I’m just this kind of person” often comes from spiritual laziness. I’m a lazy person, so living in a mess is just my nature. I’m a foodie, so being a little overweight is only natural. I’m a dumb person, so don’t ask me to study. And yet, just like everyone else, I eat and sleep—so why must I necessarily be this way?
Are the labels I give myself—the ones I have come to believe so completely—truly unchangeable? Or have I simply been too lazy to change? Once I begin asking myself such questions, it is like the first ray of sunlight breaking through dark, endless clouds. And that sunlight, one day, will surely scatter the clouds filling the sky.
