The Essence of Love

The Essence of Love

In ancient Greece, wise philosophers once gathered in Athens to discuss the nature of love and why love exists at all. Of course, they knew nothing of physiology or chemistry, so most of what they discussed belonged to the spiritual realm. One great thinker of the time, Aristophanes, used the following allegory to explain love.

Long ago, human beings had four hands and four legs, and were immensely powerful. They had two faces pointing in opposite directions, each with its own eyes, allowing them to see both forward and backward at the same time, so that nothing could escape their sight. These extraordinary abilities made the gods on Mount Olympus deeply uneasy. So Zeus, king of the gods, decided to split human beings in two. With a single hair, he cut them apart down the middle as if slicing an egg. From then on, each person became only half of what they once were, with just two hands, two legs, and one face. But the two halves, once separated, longed to embrace each other and reunite into their original whole. This desire, according to the allegory, is love.

Aristophanes captured many essential truths about love.

First, a person without love is incomplete, and a life that has never experienced true love is also incomplete, because such a person is only “half a person.” Aristophanes’ allegory is deeply meaningful. Human beings once had two faces and could see both the world ahead and the world behind with clarity. But after being left with only the eyes in front, their view of the world often became one-sided. In reality, men and women see the world differently. To understand history objectively and fairly, we need to read three kinds of history: the history written by the victors, the history written by the defeated, and the history written by women. This idea is very insightful, and it also suggests that men and women truly do perceive things differently. Precisely because each has limitations, men and women can complement one another when they are together, and life can thereby become more complete.

Second, when two compatible people are together, the combined force they create is certainly greater than the sum of its parts—1 + 1 > 2. Aristophanes also, in a sense, explains why the power of love is so great: lovers both feel the impulse to become one. When two people experience this impulse at the same time, they feel an even greater happiness, because they have finally found their other half.

Third, and most importantly, if the man and woman who ultimately come together were originally one person, then the process of becoming whole again requires finding the right partner. If two people force themselves together, there will inevitably be significant gaps in the relationship over time; they will not fit together seamlessly. The harm this may bring to both people can outweigh the benefits. That is why finding the right person is so important. When there are many outstanding people around you, it is necessary to spend some time on romantic relationships. As for who is suitable and who is not, that is highly subjective, so one must rely on one’s own feelings and judgment. Yet although the search for a suitable partner is highly personal, no one can truly escape the influence of their environment in the process, including its ideas, morals, culture, and value system. Today, women often prefer tall, slender men, but in the era when Washington lived, women preferred stockier, sturdier men—to the point that the lean and tall Washington was reportedly not very appealing to them. And that concerns only outward standards of beauty, which are already shaped by the broader environment. Judgments about a person’s inner qualities are influenced even more unconsciously by one’s surroundings. Compatibility in culture and values is extremely important between two people. Without such a shared foundation, external attraction and early fondness alone are rarely enough to sustain a long-term relationship.

Zhou Guoping also wrote a number of philosophical essays, and in one of them he said something like this:

From the moment a person is born, they are in fact walking toward death. Everyone is lined up, slowly moving forward, and at the end of the road lies the final destination of life. It is a somewhat desolate scene. At that moment, some men and women speak up. They say: since we are all walking forward anyway, and all heading to that same place, why not talk, play, and amuse ourselves along the way? Many people find this reasonable and join in, and so the whole procession fills with laughter and joy.

In Mr. Zhou Guoping’s view, life is just such a one-way road with no return. In this process, the interactions between men and women, love, and marriage make the world beautiful. Without them, the world would be silent and lifeless. A world without romantic love would be cold and devoid of vitality. Romantic love gives meaning to life. It transforms human beings from isolated individuals walking toward death into lives infused with burning vitality.