Little Moments of Warmth

Little Moments of Warmth

This business trip was the longest one I’ve taken in recent years, and also the longest time I’ve been away since Yuanyuan was born. It was a long trip, and there was a lot to deal with, so naturally my conversations with him became fewer and shorter. Usually our video calls lasted no more than a minute or two before he went back to his own world, playing with his toy companions, with no patience left for any more awkward small talk with me. It often made me worry that if things kept going this way, I might eventually become the kind of father who only appears in a “missing person notice” sort of way—someone whose son has only one thing to say on the phone: “Dad, where’s Mom?”

Even though he is only three, Yuanyuan has already begun to show a little bit of that tough, brave, boyish spirit. When he falls by accident, he encourages himself by saying, “It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt.” When a shot really hurts, he says, “I’ll only cry for a second.” Things like that. At the same time, he’s also starting to show that emotionally reserved trait so common in men. During our video calls, he rarely says things like “I miss you.” If I keep pressing him, he simply summons his “spokesperson”: “Mom, you say it.” Then his full-time spokesperson steps in to explain: “Yuanyuan misses you in his heart, but he just doesn’t say it out loud, right?” And Yuanyuan nods solemnly: “Right~~.”

But beyond that, this tiny little man also brings small yet profound moments of tenderness into my life in his own way. He may not say, “Daddy, I miss you,” but he will talk to the iPad by himself and say, “Siri, Siri, where did my daddy go? Why isn’t he back yet?”

For my return home, I bought a ticket on the first flight in the morning. The afternoon before I was due back, I called Yuanyuan and told him, “Go to sleep one more time, and when you wake up tomorrow morning, Daddy will be home.” The moment he heard that, he immediately wanted to hang up, pulled his grandma along, and headed for bed. The warmth of that moment caught me completely off guard.

But early the next morning—yesterday morning, that is—I ran into a wave of mass flight cancellations and couldn’t make the trip as planned. I made my way from Wuxi to Hongqiao, only to find that the next available flight wouldn’t be until the afternoon. As soon as Yuanyuan woke up that morning, he asked, “Where’s my daddy?” And when he heard over video call that the planes weren’t flying and I couldn’t leave, he confidently offered me a solution: I should ride his scooter home, because his scooter is the fastest.

By the afternoon, the smog had begun to clear, and flights gradually started taking off again. But my flight was delayed again and again. We didn’t take off until late at night, and by the time we landed it was already the early hours of the next day. By the time I got home, Yuanyuan had long since given up waiting and had fallen fast asleep. As for me, lying in my own familiar and warm bed, I still couldn’t fall asleep for a long time.

At this moment, I’ve opened and assembled the gift I brought back for Yuanyuan, and now I’m quietly waiting for him to wake up. In this moment, the warmest place is home, and the people I love most are by my side. The years are peaceful, and time feels gentle.