[Answer] Is “true love” a standard feature of life? Or is “just getting by together” the real truth of life?

[Answer] Is “true love” a standard feature of life? Or is “just getting by together” the real truth of life?

I’m reminded of that line by the brilliant poet Xu Zhimo, who died young: “In the vast sea of humanity, I seek a companion for my spirit and soul. If I find one, I am fortunate; if not, it is my fate.”

I think souls that fit each other just right do exist. It’s just that not everyone is lucky enough to meet the other person who suits them perfectly.

On the other hand, I also think not everyone’s soul is fully awakened. A large portion of people in this world live in a hazy, unreflective state, unaware of it in the course of their lives. At that level, if one’s entire life is lived in confusion—if one’s whole life is merely about muddling through—then true love does not really exist as an option.

For those who seek true love, failing to meet a companion of the spirit and soul can make life deeply painful. But there is another possibility: even if we assume that perfectly matching souls do exist, if the chance of meeting one is extremely small, then we are effectively admitting that the probability of true love is so low as to be negligible. In that case, is “just getting by together” the norm?

I still don’t think that is necessarily so, because all of these inferences are based on another premise—that people do not change. And that premise is obviously inaccurate. If life did not change, if one could remain forever “as beautiful as when we first met,” how wonderful that would be. But many intimate relationships inevitably decline into mutual hostility and mere coexistence. I think this is only a deterioration in one’s approach to life. To some extent, it reflects the way life gradually wears people down and leads them to give up on themselves; it is not necessarily a problem with the relationship itself. Like any relationship, intimate relationships require care and effort in order to stay fresh over time. And if two people share more common ground from the beginning—in interests, aspirations, and attitudes toward life—if both hold themselves to certain standards in how they live, then even if they were not entirely brought together by love at the start, I think they may grow closer and closer as life unfolds.

But if two people’s understanding of the world is not on the same level from the very beginning, then I think, in the end, they can only spend their lives together in whatever way the less perceptive partner is able to understand. In that case, it may be true love for one person, while for the other, it may be nothing more than settling.

In the end, I think this question has a great deal to do with our attitude toward life itself.