[Answer] Acting Like You Understand?

[Answer] Acting Like You Understand?

Because of the different gender distributions across majors, the ratio of male to female students in many university programs is often highly uneven. As a result, to some extent, students in science and engineering often have fewer opportunities to meet women simply because there are so few women in their classes. Likewise, in some humanities, accounting, or language majors, where the number of men is relatively low, female students often have fewer chances to meet men.

When resources are scarce, competition becomes intense. At the same time, because they spend so much time around people of the same sex, male students in science and engineering often do not know how to pursue women or how to get along with them. (I imagine female students in the humanities may have similar troubles, though that is only my guess.) In a situation where there are "many monks but little porridge," if you want to find someone you truly like—and over the full course of life, this is every bit as important as studying—then an important strategy is to expand your social circle appropriately. It is only natural for men and women to marry and build relationships; if, because of your field of study, you cannot meet a potential partner in time, that is surely a kind of regret.

Over the decades, generations of students have constantly found different ways to broaden their social circles. In earlier times, it is said—only said, since I can’t verify it—that most students met potential partners through social dances and dance parties. From the era of Pride and Prejudice all the way to Chinese universities in the 1970s and 1980s, this seems to have been fairly common. In more conservative times, dance parties became the first doorway through which unfamiliar men and women could enter each other’s worlds. Later, university dormitories got telephones, and so making connections through random phone calls or paired-up dorm friendships also became popular. As a way to balance uneven numbers and encourage interaction, this too was a valuable channel.

Now, with the development of the internet, there are even more opportunities to meet the opposite sex. As long as one takes a healthy attitude and actively looks, I think the problem of uneven access caused by one’s major has gradually been weakened in the internet age. Of course, which online platforms are actually reliable still requires careful judgment. I assume there are probably platforms specifically aimed at university students, though I have been away from that stage of life for so long that I no longer know what young people use these days. Back when we were in school, BBS forums were still one of the main platforms for social interaction.

Alternatively, taking part in some social activities—in moderation—can also be a way to expand one’s social circle. Not only for the purpose of finding a girlfriend, but also as preparation for entering society: learning how to get along with others and how to get things done. In that sense, participating in appropriate social activities is necessary. Student unions, campus organizations, clubs, or volunteer groups can all serve this purpose. I know people who met their lifelong partners through such activities, but even for most people who did not find a partner, they still gained plenty of valuable experience.

Meeting more people is a prerequisite for finding the right person for you. (Of course, many people do find suitable partners even within very limited environments.) If you want to find a girlfriend, it is not enough to spend all day just playing basketball and video games with your buddies. You have to invest time and energy. And once your social circle has expanded, you must be ready to move on to the next stage.

Pursuing women is, on the one hand, instinctive, but you absolutely cannot let instinct alone guide you. Before making a confession, some appropriate testing of the waters and getting to know the other person are necessary. But once you feel it is right, do not hesitate endlessly. Male students in science and engineering often have too little contact with the opposite sex, and as a result they overthink their decisions and miss someone who may actually have been a very good match for them. If the worst possible outcome of pursuing someone is merely embarrassment, then if you are not even willing to risk that embarrassment, how much sincerity can you really show in a relationship with a woman?

As for how to get along with women, that is something every man ought to keep learning throughout his life. Perhaps I will talk about that another time.