[Answer] How Should an Older Single Woman Build a Relationship with a Matchmaking Date?

[Answer] How Should an Older Single Woman Build a Relationship with a Matchmaking Date?

The best approach is to keep an even mind. True love has nothing to do with age—though of course, in the eyes of the world, age is not something entirely irrelevant. By middle age, if a woman can, like Lin Chi-ling, smile and frown with a kind of effortless natural grace, then she may indulge in coquettishness like a young girl to her heart’s content; that kind of innate girlish charm never really puts people off. But most people probably do not possess such natural gifts. In that case, when in front of others, no matter how much affection is stirring inside, it is probably better to restrain oneself a little and carry oneself with more composure, since that is more acceptable to most people. But when it is just the two of you, the pleasures of intimacy can surpass even the old delight of painting one’s wife’s eyebrows—then each may follow what they both enjoy, without any need for prohibition.

That, however, is only the matter of getting along. As one grows older, the things one has to consider naturally become more numerous. In The Legend of the Condor Heroes, the young Huang Rong is loved by almost everyone; but by the time she nears middle age in The Return of the Condor Heroes, she becomes almost irritating, at times enough to make one grind one’s teeth in frustration. She is still the same clever, quick-witted woman, born with a brilliantly subtle mind. In youth, those qualities seem to bring countless advantages; with age, they begin to look like flaws. Jin Yong’s powers of observation were truly remarkable. I think the difference lies mainly in the heart and mind behind those clevernesses. When Huang Rong was young, all she thought about was how to create chances for herself and her beloved to be together; at worst, she might play a small prank. But once grown, the same cleverness turns into calculation and nitpicking. Her motives may not be wrong, but that is probably exactly what Yang Guo, Xiaolongnü, and those new young lovers do not want to see. So no matter how old one becomes, to preserve a trace of innocence within that finely tuned intelligence is perhaps the most precious thing of all.

When two people are together over time, financial matters naturally become part of the relationship as well. For young girls, one of the biggest mistakes is to accept favors too easily—whether eating on someone else’s tab or taking gifts—because it is all too easy to lose something important over small advantages. But after growing older, in addition to those same concerns, there is another subtle complication: wealth may grow with age, and even if one does not become truly rich, it is entirely possible to end up earning more than the man one is dating. In that case, one should not be overly forceful. How to preserve a boyfriend’s sense of dignity then becomes another art to learn. That, too, takes careful thought.