What If Mom Disappeared

What If Mom Disappeared

A mother’s importance is like air: everywhere, so ever-present that we take it for granted. When we have it, we barely notice it; only in the instant it is gone does it feel like the end of the world. And indeed, if a child were to wake up one morning and find that Mom had disappeared, it really would feel like doomsday. How do you eat breakfast? How do you get dressed? How do you go to school? All the most ordinary things in life suddenly become problems. And that man nearby called “Dad” is so overwhelmed that he can barely manage himself, let alone be relied upon.

For little Billy in the Kramer family, the story begins on just such a morning, when Mom is gone. What follows is the hardest stretch of life that father and son must face together.

That, roughly speaking, is the story told in Kramer vs. Kramer. For the Kramer family, the separation of husband and wife is a devastating catastrophe; but for the world at large, it is an utterly ordinary, trivial event. From one angle, it hardly even seems like the kind of thing that belongs on the big screen. There are no heroes, no magic, no war, no conspiracy. Even as a domestic drama, there is none of the juicy gossip that audiences so often enjoy. And yet, for nearly forty years since its release in 1979, Kramer vs. Kramer has continued to move generation after generation with its plainspoken but profound style. Unless society and family structures undergo major changes, I think that even forty years from now, Kramer vs. Kramer will still be able to touch us just the same.

On its main narrative line, the film tells the story of the Kramer father and son relying on each other and growing together. But running through the entire film, besides the role of “father,” are reflections on the roles of “husband and wife,” “mother,” and intimate relationships themselves. For eight years, the Kramers have lived in a traditional arrangement: the man works outside the home, the woman manages the household. The husband is busy earning a living; the wife takes care of their son and keeps the family running. On the surface, everything seems ordinary and happy. But the wife’s growing anxiety over losing her sense of self receives no understanding from a husband too busy to communicate, and the marriage steadily worsens. Finally, Joanna’s resentment, built up over years, erupts in a single night. Little Billy wakes up, and his whole world has been turned upside down.

So, is Ted at fault? He is only working desperately for the sake of his family. Ted believes that working hard and earning more money is the foundation of family happiness. The pressures of work consume him, leaving him with little energy to deal with family relationships. In fact, after Joanna leaves, Ted loses his job in large part because so much of his attention is diverted to caring for Billy. That, too, proves that his worries about life are not entirely unfounded.

Through the clever device of putting husband and wife against each other in court, Kramer vs. Kramer lays bare every side and detail of life. There is no simple right or wrong, no clear good person or bad person—only lives worn down by time. In this ordinary couple, we see, to one degree or another, reflections of ourselves. We see how difficult life can be, and we are prompted to think about life, about intimacy, and about our relationships. That may well be one of the reasons this film has retained such enduring vitality.

The film is filled with moving moments: the fear and worry when Billy gets hurt; Ted’s desperation on Christmas Eve, when he must find a job no matter what; Billy sobbing on his father’s shoulder, stirring both tenderness and heartache. All of these scenes touch the heart. But the moment one most longs for, without question, is whether, after the Kramers’ final embrace, there might still be a turn for the better.

Every married couple should watch Kramer vs. Kramer. Perhaps only then will there be fewer children like Billy in this world—children who wake up one morning to discover that their mother has disappeared.