Creating a Positive Life with a Positive Attitude — Rereading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Creating a Positive Life with a Positive Attitude — Rereading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People

Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is one of the most classic and comprehensive books in the field of self-management. The seven habits it presents cover every stage of personal management, from mindset to practice, and even to social division of labor and cooperation. It is a foundational work in its category, and many later books have imitated, learned from, and borrowed from it. When I first read it, I was especially inspired by many of its practical methods. For example, the classic four-quadrant time management method mentioned in the chapter on “Put First Things First” gradually became part of my way of thinking. I would instinctively sort the problems at hand into four quadrants according to importance and urgency, and in practice, that distinction often proved quite effective.

By contrast, when I was in my teens, I took “Be Proactive” as an obvious premise. At the time, I did not really realize how important that premise was for all the habits that followed. Only many years later, on rereading the book, did I discover that compared with the specific habits on the operational level, when facing life across the full scale of time, attitudes such as “Be Proactive” and “Begin with the End in Mind” are the true foundation of Covey’s entire theory.

In the book, Covey emphasizes that the seven habits are closely interconnected. Among them, “Be Proactive,” “Begin with the End in Mind,” and “Put First Things First” are the key habits for achieving success in self-management, and they form the basis for a person’s transition from dependence to independence. “Think Win-Win,” “Synergize,” and “Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood” are the keys to achieving cooperation with others in the public sphere, and they form the basis for moving from independence to interdependence and mutual growth.

Looking back on the book nearly twenty years later, each of these seven habits feels immensely important for a person’s spiritual growth. Yet “Be Proactive,” which is often neglected because it lacks clear measurable standards or concrete methods of practice, is in fact the root of all the later habits. There is a repeatedly cited example: a half glass of water. To an optimistic person, it represents half of hope; to a pessimistic person, it represents half of disappointment. In the same way, even when facing exactly the same life, people can arrive at radically different judgments and conclusions because of their attitudes. And those differences, in turn, fundamentally determine the direction of one’s life.

At its core, the six habits that follow in Covey’s book only work for someone who approaches life with a positive attitude. If, from the very beginning, what one sees is only shadow rather than light, then one lacks the most basic motivation for change—and naturally, one will have little interest in the habits that follow.

Yet a positive attitude may not be something we are born with. More often, it is gradually built over time through continual growth. If, from childhood onward, our positive actions are met with positive feedback, then in most cases we naturally grow into positive and upward-looking people; and the reverse is also true. As life gradually hardens into fixed patterns, changing one’s attitude toward life becomes increasingly difficult.

In Covey’s theory, each person unconsciously has a “Circle of Concern” and a “Circle of Influence.” Things we care about belong to the former, while things we can affect belong to the latter. For everyone, these two circles are nested within each other. If a person’s circle of concern is smaller than the range of what they could actually influence, then that person is likely passive, negative, and extremely self-centered, caring only about a very limited corner of their own existence. But if a person’s circle of concern is far larger than their circle of influence, then over time they may become disappointed by all the events they can see but cannot affect. Only when a person continually strives to expand their circle of influence and receives ongoing positive feedback can they truly become proactive.

Take a company as an example. If someone cares only about a tiny portion of their own job and turns a blind eye to everything else, they are clearly not the proactive type. On the other hand, if someone minimizes the range of what they can influence and merely complains bitterly about every flaw they notice, that too will only bring negative consequences. Only when each person does every task well within their own sphere of influence, while maintaining broad awareness of the whole and striving to expand their influence, can the organization continue developing in a healthy direction. And only under such conditions can Covey’s theory of the seven habits truly work.

Similar to “Be Proactive,” another habit I overlooked when first reading the book was the seventh: “Sharpen the Saw.” In our teenage years, we are already in a period of rapid growth and development, so we hardly worry about the need for continual renewal. But as we grow older, “continuous renewal” becomes the only way to prevent rigid thinking and to stop our growth from stalling.

When we are young, we often move from admiration to annoyance toward the stories our elders tell over and over again. But if a person does not cultivate the habit of continual renewal, it won’t be long before we too become stagnant and incapable of further progress. Romain Rolland once said, “Most people die in their twenties. After that, they only live as shadows of themselves; the rest of their lives are spent imitating themselves.” Covey’s seventh habit, “Sharpen the Saw,” systematically teaches us how to keep renewing ourselves in four dimensions—physical, mental, spiritual, and social/emotional—so that we can maintain a positive attitude toward life.

When I read Ray Dalio’s Principles last year, I was often reminded that Covey also emphasized the importance of living according to principles in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Over the decades, I have read quite a number of books, but only a very few continue to return to my mind in this way. If a book keeps resurfacing in our thoughts, then it is probably one worth reading again and again.

Viktor Frankl once pointed out that there are three major kinds of values in life. The first is experiential value, which comes from one’s own experiences. The second is creative value, which arises from personal originality. The third is attitudinal value, which is reflected in one’s response to adversity, even in the face of terminal illness. Of these three, the highest is attitudinal value.

God, grant me the serenity to accept what I cannot change, grant me the courage to change what I can, and grant me the wisdom to distinguish between them.

Merely exposing the other person’s faults is not only useless; this insistence that “it’s not my fault” itself proves that you are a victim who cannot even protect yourself, let alone influence others. Constant blame does not reform people. On the contrary, it often only makes them angry and defensive.

Samuel Johnson once said, “Satisfaction comes from within.” Those who understand nothing of human nature always try to pursue happiness while preserving the self exactly as it is; the result is inevitably futile, and the suffering they hoped to escape only grows day by day.

Life is a book, and you are its author. You decide its plot and its pace, and you—and only you—are the one turning it page by page. — Beth Mende Conny

“Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” Management is climbing the ladder of success efficiently; leadership is determining whether that ladder is leaning against the right wall.

The ideal state is to establish a clear and definite center in life. Only then can one generate a deep sense of security, direction, wisdom, and strength, making life more positive and harmonious.

A person who places principles at the center of life always possesses uncommon insight, and their thoughts and actions bear a distinctive character. The solid and stable inner core granted by such a center gives them a high degree of security, direction, wisdom, and strength, enabling them to live a positive and fulfilling life.

Many organizations, including families, suffer from one fundamental problem: their members do not identify with the collective goal. I often see employees’ personal goals running counter to the goals of the company, and many businesses have compensation systems that do not match the ideals they claim to uphold.

Successful people can do what unsuccessful people cannot. Even if they are not entirely willing, they can still overcome psychological barriers through perseverance for the sake of their ideals and goals.

Value judgment: accepting or rejecting other people’s opinions. Probing for deeper causes: using one’s own values to investigate other people’s privacy. Being eager to instruct: offering advice based on one’s own experience. Self-righteousness: judging other people’s behavior and motives according to one’s own behavior and motives.

The more proactive you are (Habit 1), the more effectively you can practice self-leadership (Habit 2) and self-management (Habit 3) in life. The more effectively you manage your life (Habit 3), the more time you can devote to Quadrant II renewal activities (Habit 7). The better you are at understanding others first (Habit 5), the more likely you are to find synergistic win-win solutions (Habits 4 and 6). The more you improve the habits that cultivate independence (Habits 1, 2, and 3), the more effective you become in an interdependent environment (Habits 4, 5, and 6). And self-renewal is the process that strengthens all of these habits (Habit 7).

1. Principle-centeredness — We are passionate about the ideas in this book, committed to becoming examples of these principles, and determined to practice what we teach.
2. Customer first — We continually make commitments to our customers, and our success depends first on their success.
3. Respect for others — We value one another and regard every colleague as a sincere collaborator.
4. Profit and growth — We view profit and growth as the lifeblood of the enterprise, enabling us to freely pursue our mission and ideas.